I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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