OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
