He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
