Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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