I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Your dad touched me again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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