And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
