i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
