Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
