The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
