I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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