I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize