Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
