Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize