ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
