What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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