I'm laying in your front yard are you home
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
