I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
