Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
