Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
