Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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