I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
