You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
