Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
