Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This house was built for laser tag.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
