That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
