I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
