Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
