I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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