Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
