I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
