I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
