Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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