If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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