when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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