am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
