He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
