imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
