just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
