By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
