I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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