I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
