No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
