my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
