Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
