How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
