ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
