I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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