matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I party with great urgency now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
