there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
