PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
