They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
