Non-Jews are for practice
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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