What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
