i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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