if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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