i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
