He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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