I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
