This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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