omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
did i walk over a car last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
